Wednesday, September 4, 2013

purity and modesty claptrap.

Elizabeth Smart, on the despair she felt after being kidnapped and raped...

" …Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, saying she was raised in a religious household and recalled a school teacher who spoke once about abstinence and compared sex to chewing gum.
“I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value,” Smart said. “Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”

"Smart said she "felt so dirty and so filthy" after she was raped by her captor, and she understands why someone wouldn't run "because of that alone."

I remember SO clearly being indoctrinated into purity and modesty culture. First as a child, then through homeschooling "raising women of virtue" type books, then through books and classes and talks at bible college, through seminary and more. I was asked to read and speak on books that told women that immodesty caused so much junk in their hearts that Jesus couldn't get in. I remember being told that evil lie "a woman worth being kissed won't be easy to kiss" because we ALL KNOW that women don't WANT to be kissed right away and if they DO then they are just a slut and if they are just a slut then they aren't worth anything! 

Of course, you *can* wear immodest clothes, but you *know* what that does to men, and when you *know* then their reactions become your fault/responsibility.

The right kind of guy will only want to marry the right kind of girl.

Men are more sexual and visual than women - and if you are a sexual, visual woman, something is wrong with you.

Toe cleavage - don't even wear sandals/shoes that show toe cleavage because that reminds men of boobies.

Everything reminds men of boobies.

If you dress like a slut, you'll get treated like a slut.

Well, she was asking for it because she wore a mini-skirt.


These attitudes as normal in our culture is a symptom of rape culture, and the shaming/purity vs impurity that is added in christian purity culture is just a disgusting, worse and more disturbing form of rape culture.

Purity/modesty crap promotes rape. It promotes rape culture. It promotes the devaluing of women.

All while pretending to empower women.

Honestly, I'm not interested in making a purity culture is rape culture case here - as I know that most of my readers are probably unaware of rape culture or refuse to believe it exists. Actually, most people who read this blog probably are or were, like I was, active participants in promoting or living in rape/purity culture.

I'm not interested in shaming anyone who has been taught rape culture and is recycling it.

I am interested in encouraging everyone to stop. promoting. rape. culture. stop. shaming. women.

And stop treating men like they are inherently rapists.

At the very least to reconsider why they may act/react the way they do, and if there could be a better way to live.

This rant brought to you by the recent over-share of this blog. It is NO WONDER that being raped could cause a captive to despair when there are mothers of boys feeling it is right and noble to publicly shame young girls who post photos of themselves in pjs and subsequently tell them that they are blocking them on facebook. Essentially, sharing a pj photo makes you not good enough. Not for her boys.
"It teaches men that women exist on a spectrum of worth determined by their clothing and that it is their right as men to determine which women are worth more – and yet, modesty culture masks it as “keeping away from sexual sin.” It teaches men irresponsibility and plays it off as “integrity.”

Read that ^^ instead.

"Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface."

( why yes, I will be discouraging my daughter from ever falling for a guy who promotes rape culture/purity culture/modesty culture. )

"Heterosexual men’s sexual pursuit of women who do not express consent becomes normal. In fact, it becomes ideal, since the “high-designer, gotta-have” woman never expresses desire and the woman who actually wants to have sex is “a turn-off.”

"Rape culture is the idea that only certain people rape—and only certain people get raped."

(go to that link and read all the links. read everything.)

( ^^ a few good notes on another horrific example of purity culture as rape culture. christians are not above using shoddy research to try to shame people into buying their crap.)